The first trip of hopefully many more: Madrid! The Fund had its own trip to Madrid on Friday, so we all took the bus together (it is only about an hour from Toledo) and then most people decided to stay the weekend. It is hard to describe exactly what we did because most of the time was spent wandering the streets and doing nothing in particular. We did see the Palacio, the Biblioteca Nacional, and Parque de El Retiro. In summary: the Palacio is beautiful and ornate and impossible to absorb all at once (I've decided that frescoes are really a terrible idea, because I want to look at the paintings, but there is too much to see at once, especially when you are craning your neck to look up, and so you end up looking at little pieces instead of the whole thing). The problem isn't really limited to the frescoes though, because every old building seems to have the same problem here-- I pass the Catedral in Toledo multiple times everyday, and have stopped trying to look at every detail because it cannot be done. I prefer to look at it from far away and not be overwhelmed by the multiple scenes and figures that can be seen up close.
The Biblioteca Nacional was a bit of a disappointment because we did not get to see where they kept the books. There were two wonderful exhibits, but since it was Friday night (after a long day of travelling and sight-seeing), I did not have the energy to read much of the explanations, and instead tried to absorb a little just by looking. The first exhibit was about a writer in the Phillipines when it was a colony of Spain. I read about the history of colonization and promptly forgot it all. The second exhibit was about the history of the library, but at this point I had given up on reading in Spanish, and instead just looked at the displays of illuminated manuscripts and tried to imagine the melodies on pieces of old sheet music.
My favorite part of the trip was the Parque de el Retiro. After a long morning of wandering the city on Saturday, we bought some bread and cheese and picnicked in the park. There were more statues and ornate columns, but also (of course) trees and grass and water with boats, and it was nice to have some simplicity for a change!
The days were very full, but I'm afriad I was a little boring by the end of the day. On Friday, instead of going to Club Capital (a famous night club with 7 floors, but has a cover charge of 15 euros-- more than I wanted to pay for something I probably wouldn't have enjoyed!) I stayed in the hostel to read and sleep. It was very peaceful, aside from an awkward encounter with a group sharing the room. (They came in in the middle of the night, talking loudly in Spanish, one voice on top of the other, lights on, door open, and after deciding I was too tired to assemble my own Spanish confrontation in response, I climbed out of the bunk bed and slammed the door shut after they left. Or rather, after I thought they left-- they were actually still in the room, standing directly behind me. The door-slamming, however passive-agressive it might have been, seemed to work better than whatever jumbled Spanish communication I could have offered anyway. They opened the door quietly as I climbed back into bed, and for the rest of the night shuffled in and out and talked in hushed voices)
The following night, I went out with the group, but we ended up at an Irish pub (yes, an Irish pub in Madrid, and the bar tender was a Canadian who spoke English better than Spanish) with expensive drinks. After standing around for about half an hour, a few of us decided to head back to the hostel. In place of the overpriced drinks, we stopped at a little store to buy some ice cream-- cheaper than a beer, and much more delicious!
We came back to Toledo on Sunday, and it was nice to be back in the small, calm town after Madrid. As usual, I have some thoughts floating around and occupying my head, but I will save them for later and give them there own space. For now: Madrid was a good first trip, and Toledo is starting to become famliar and comfortable.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Los clases
I just finished a meeting about my visa, which ended in a discussion about language and literature-- ¡que bueno! It doesn't happen all the time, and in ordinary conversations I find myself fumbling for simple words like spoon or grapes, but every once in awhile I get so excited by something or into a conversation that the words just come out of my mouth without the process of thinking in English and translating to Spanish. Yesterday I went for a run, and I found myself thinking in Spanish. Not real, complete thoughts, but the kind of nonsense I think when running, the kind of thought that doesn't really mean anything. The kind of thought that you need to think about afterwards to realize what exactly you were thinking. It reminded me a bit of when I ran in middle school. It was around the same time I was learning to type without looking at the keys, and so I ran with my hands in loose fists and typed into my palms. I often did not know what words I was typing until I took the time to think about it. Not surprisingly, they were often words like stop, tired, or running, running, running. Subconscious thought spelled into my hands. I did not know I was thinking them until I stopped to translate the typing to words.
It was the same thing yesterday with Spanish. There were little nonsense, sing-song phrases in my head that I later translated into English to see if they made sense. And most of the time, they did (as much as anything makes sense while you are running): No se de donde estaba, no se de donde estoy. (I don't know where I was, I don't know where I am-- this while I was finding my way along a path I'd walked before, but was still slightly uncertain about the direction). Probably sentences that weren't grammatically correct or very profound, but thoughts that came first in Spanish and only later in English.
It is not usually like this. Usually my host mother has to repeat things slowly so I understand. I have to point a lot, and I keep lapsing into English with the other students here. But occasionally the Spanish just comes, and at the meeting today, Yuki (one of the coordinators at the Fund) asked about my classes, about what my favorite books were, and the words just came so much more quickly than usual.
It is small things like this that seem to define the days here. One good thing makes Spanish and studying here seem wonderful, and the next day a bit of homesickness or some doubt makes me wonder if this is useful at all. I sometimes imagine myself coming back and letting the Spanish drift away, never using it again. And I wonder what is more important-- the skill of speaking Spanish, which has a practical use in jobs and society, or the literature and ideas that I have access to through Spanish, the philosophy that opens up from trying another language and getting a glimpse at the effect language has on expression and thought. I really don't know.
On that note, the real topic that I wanted to write about are the classes here. It is hard to say exactly how they will be, because it has only been two weeks, but so far I am enjoying them all. On Mondays I have 20th Century Literature (we are starting with my favorite Spanish story, San Manuel Bueno, mártir by Miguel de Unamuno) and Recent Spanish film (which should be interesting since I've never taken a film class, much less a Spanish one). The same professor teaches both of these classes, which means some repetition between the two, but so far he seems very organized and particular. He started the lit class by talking about how literature is not a book itself, but the act of reading. He called books on the shelf of a library "potential literature" because they don't become literature until someone is reading them. An interesting thought.
On Tuesdays I only have one class, Golden Age Theater. I think this will be a little more difficult to enjoy because the language is older and more difficult to understand (imagine reading Shakespeare... but in another language), but so far the professor is amazing and we are going very slowly and reading short passages. He also likes to relate the classics to modern works. He talked today about the relation of popular theater, literature, songs, etc. to classical works, saying that we had no idea what would become classics in the future, because the works we are reading now were considered popular works at the time. And then he talked about Bob Dylan and called him a ladron, a thief, for stealing ideas from the classics. And then he said that Bob Dylan's songs will probably be considered classics in the future, that a lot of classics are about retelling past truths with a little change to make it relevant to current times. I'm not sure if I agree, but it's definitely something to think about.
On Wednesday I have Theology and Spanish Mysticism. The professor is one of the most animated people I have seen. He concludes any earth-shattering thoughts with the punctuation JO-der! (translation: fuck!) I wish I could convey how it sounds. The first syllable starts in the back of the throat in a way that I can't replicate, and he just says it with so much force. Right now we are talking about Plato, and there are many, many ideas that he finds worthy of this exclamation. He is also fond of describing an idea as "Interesante! Interesantissimo! SUPER-interesante!" When he starts with the word interesante, the class can be guaranteed that he will arrive at the conclusion of interesantissimo and super-interesante. Nothing is just interesting!
My final class is Spain Since 1936, which was cancelled for today, so I can't say much about it. I really liked the first day of class, but I've been warned that the professor is perhaps biased and one-sided in his portrayal of the Spanish Civil War. There was an interesting class discussion the first day about censorship (apparently, Spain does not have censorship laws for television like the U.S. does) and he came pretty firmly in favor of no censorship, dismissing the ideas of another student who argued in favor of the U.S. censorship laws. I didn't mind much, though, because it was interesting to hear the debate. But he did give us a brief lecture about opening our minds and seeing more than one side to history and issues, which I suppose he failed to do in that discussion... so we'll see!
In conclusion: good classes, much to think about, and a mixture of languages in my head!
It was the same thing yesterday with Spanish. There were little nonsense, sing-song phrases in my head that I later translated into English to see if they made sense. And most of the time, they did (as much as anything makes sense while you are running): No se de donde estaba, no se de donde estoy. (I don't know where I was, I don't know where I am-- this while I was finding my way along a path I'd walked before, but was still slightly uncertain about the direction). Probably sentences that weren't grammatically correct or very profound, but thoughts that came first in Spanish and only later in English.
It is not usually like this. Usually my host mother has to repeat things slowly so I understand. I have to point a lot, and I keep lapsing into English with the other students here. But occasionally the Spanish just comes, and at the meeting today, Yuki (one of the coordinators at the Fund) asked about my classes, about what my favorite books were, and the words just came so much more quickly than usual.
It is small things like this that seem to define the days here. One good thing makes Spanish and studying here seem wonderful, and the next day a bit of homesickness or some doubt makes me wonder if this is useful at all. I sometimes imagine myself coming back and letting the Spanish drift away, never using it again. And I wonder what is more important-- the skill of speaking Spanish, which has a practical use in jobs and society, or the literature and ideas that I have access to through Spanish, the philosophy that opens up from trying another language and getting a glimpse at the effect language has on expression and thought. I really don't know.
On that note, the real topic that I wanted to write about are the classes here. It is hard to say exactly how they will be, because it has only been two weeks, but so far I am enjoying them all. On Mondays I have 20th Century Literature (we are starting with my favorite Spanish story, San Manuel Bueno, mártir by Miguel de Unamuno) and Recent Spanish film (which should be interesting since I've never taken a film class, much less a Spanish one). The same professor teaches both of these classes, which means some repetition between the two, but so far he seems very organized and particular. He started the lit class by talking about how literature is not a book itself, but the act of reading. He called books on the shelf of a library "potential literature" because they don't become literature until someone is reading them. An interesting thought.
On Tuesdays I only have one class, Golden Age Theater. I think this will be a little more difficult to enjoy because the language is older and more difficult to understand (imagine reading Shakespeare... but in another language), but so far the professor is amazing and we are going very slowly and reading short passages. He also likes to relate the classics to modern works. He talked today about the relation of popular theater, literature, songs, etc. to classical works, saying that we had no idea what would become classics in the future, because the works we are reading now were considered popular works at the time. And then he talked about Bob Dylan and called him a ladron, a thief, for stealing ideas from the classics. And then he said that Bob Dylan's songs will probably be considered classics in the future, that a lot of classics are about retelling past truths with a little change to make it relevant to current times. I'm not sure if I agree, but it's definitely something to think about.
On Wednesday I have Theology and Spanish Mysticism. The professor is one of the most animated people I have seen. He concludes any earth-shattering thoughts with the punctuation JO-der! (translation: fuck!) I wish I could convey how it sounds. The first syllable starts in the back of the throat in a way that I can't replicate, and he just says it with so much force. Right now we are talking about Plato, and there are many, many ideas that he finds worthy of this exclamation. He is also fond of describing an idea as "Interesante! Interesantissimo! SUPER-interesante!" When he starts with the word interesante, the class can be guaranteed that he will arrive at the conclusion of interesantissimo and super-interesante. Nothing is just interesting!
My final class is Spain Since 1936, which was cancelled for today, so I can't say much about it. I really liked the first day of class, but I've been warned that the professor is perhaps biased and one-sided in his portrayal of the Spanish Civil War. There was an interesting class discussion the first day about censorship (apparently, Spain does not have censorship laws for television like the U.S. does) and he came pretty firmly in favor of no censorship, dismissing the ideas of another student who argued in favor of the U.S. censorship laws. I didn't mind much, though, because it was interesting to hear the debate. But he did give us a brief lecture about opening our minds and seeing more than one side to history and issues, which I suppose he failed to do in that discussion... so we'll see!
In conclusion: good classes, much to think about, and a mixture of languages in my head!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Fin de semana
I always run into this problem with writing journals, and I think the same issue applies to blogs: when I have time to write, I have nothing interesting to say, and when everything interesting is happening, of course I don't want to stop to write about it. And writing about things after the fact feels like a list of facts rather than something that captures the moment. So apologies if the writing here is a little flat!
Last weekend a lot of people were travelling, but I stayed in Toledo and so had a lot of time! Perhaps a bit too much time, because I am not used to it and did not know what to do with it. (Or, I knew what I could do with it, but still didn't take the time to write!) On Friday, the Fund had a tour of Toledo. We rode a bus up a hill with a great view of Toledo (in all of the pictures, my eyes are closed or half-closed, but the city view is still wonderful). Then we walked around Toledo with a guide. I couldn't understand everything she said, but what I did hear was fascinating. Toledo's history is a mixture of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and you can see mixtures of different architecture styles in some of the buildings. We saw a church connected to a convent for cloistered nuns. Toledo is known for its marzapan, and the best is supposedly made by these nuns.
On Friday night, I went out to some of the bars with my host sister. I realized how little Spanish I actually know! I can understand teachers, other students, and my host family fairly well, but with all the sounds and conversation at the bar, I couldn't understand anything anyone said. I decided to skip the discotecas, I went back to the apartment at 1:00 (which is very early here-- my host sister did not return until 6 or 7 the following morning).
Saturday was fairly uneventful, but I have to mention it because of the food! First, a little bit about the mealtimes in general. Breakfast is fairly normal (toast or cereal when you wake up) but lunch is not until 2:00 or later, and dinner is very late, 8:30 at the earliest. The biggest meal of the day is lunch, and on Saturday we had paella, which was delicious. It is basically rice cooked with saffron and a million different things. Ours had chorizo (a type of sausage), whole shrimps, calamari, chicken, bell peppers, peas, tomatoes, and some other kind of seafood in a shell. There might have been other things in there; I'm not really sure. My host mother promised to teach me how to make it, so I suppose I will find out then!
Dinner is usually smaller: sandwiches, soup, or leftovers from lunch. On Saturday, though, we had churros con chocolate and nothing else! I went with my host sister to a small churro shop that makes them fresh. The shop was similar to an ice cream shop where you order your food outside. We could see inside where they had the dough in a bowl ready to make into churros. We got the churros and went back to the apartment where my host mother had made the chocolate. It was not like any hot chocolate I had tried before-- so thick and rich it was like drinking a melted chocolate bar. We dipped the churros in the chocolate and then drank the rest of the chocolate at the bottom of our mugs. So delicious!
On Sunday, I went to mass at the Cathedral. I can't really describe it, except to say that it was very ornate. There are paintings by El Greco inside, but we weren't allowed to wander around after the mass, so I didn't see them. Later that afternoon, I went for a walk by the river with the rest the students who stayed in Toledo for the weekend. It was so beautiful! The Rio Tajo winds around almost all of Toledo, and there are paths below and above, and old bridges that cross over it (I walk over one of the bridges on my wayto the Fund every day). We took a lot of pictures, and happened upon a drum circle along the way.
I have more to say about classes, about travel plans, but I will save that for later. :)
Last weekend a lot of people were travelling, but I stayed in Toledo and so had a lot of time! Perhaps a bit too much time, because I am not used to it and did not know what to do with it. (Or, I knew what I could do with it, but still didn't take the time to write!) On Friday, the Fund had a tour of Toledo. We rode a bus up a hill with a great view of Toledo (in all of the pictures, my eyes are closed or half-closed, but the city view is still wonderful). Then we walked around Toledo with a guide. I couldn't understand everything she said, but what I did hear was fascinating. Toledo's history is a mixture of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and you can see mixtures of different architecture styles in some of the buildings. We saw a church connected to a convent for cloistered nuns. Toledo is known for its marzapan, and the best is supposedly made by these nuns.
On Friday night, I went out to some of the bars with my host sister. I realized how little Spanish I actually know! I can understand teachers, other students, and my host family fairly well, but with all the sounds and conversation at the bar, I couldn't understand anything anyone said. I decided to skip the discotecas, I went back to the apartment at 1:00 (which is very early here-- my host sister did not return until 6 or 7 the following morning).
Saturday was fairly uneventful, but I have to mention it because of the food! First, a little bit about the mealtimes in general. Breakfast is fairly normal (toast or cereal when you wake up) but lunch is not until 2:00 or later, and dinner is very late, 8:30 at the earliest. The biggest meal of the day is lunch, and on Saturday we had paella, which was delicious. It is basically rice cooked with saffron and a million different things. Ours had chorizo (a type of sausage), whole shrimps, calamari, chicken, bell peppers, peas, tomatoes, and some other kind of seafood in a shell. There might have been other things in there; I'm not really sure. My host mother promised to teach me how to make it, so I suppose I will find out then!
Dinner is usually smaller: sandwiches, soup, or leftovers from lunch. On Saturday, though, we had churros con chocolate and nothing else! I went with my host sister to a small churro shop that makes them fresh. The shop was similar to an ice cream shop where you order your food outside. We could see inside where they had the dough in a bowl ready to make into churros. We got the churros and went back to the apartment where my host mother had made the chocolate. It was not like any hot chocolate I had tried before-- so thick and rich it was like drinking a melted chocolate bar. We dipped the churros in the chocolate and then drank the rest of the chocolate at the bottom of our mugs. So delicious!
On Sunday, I went to mass at the Cathedral. I can't really describe it, except to say that it was very ornate. There are paintings by El Greco inside, but we weren't allowed to wander around after the mass, so I didn't see them. Later that afternoon, I went for a walk by the river with the rest the students who stayed in Toledo for the weekend. It was so beautiful! The Rio Tajo winds around almost all of Toledo, and there are paths below and above, and old bridges that cross over it (I walk over one of the bridges on my wayto the Fund every day). We took a lot of pictures, and happened upon a drum circle along the way.
I have more to say about classes, about travel plans, but I will save that for later. :)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Lo bueno
So, after complaining quite a bit, it is about time that I write at least a little describing all of the good and wonderful things here. But since there is a lot, I will just give you a tiny glimpse, and save the rest for later:
First, my host family is wonderful. I am living with a mother and her 21-year-old daughter, and I really can't imagine anything better. When I am talking to just one of them, they take time to talk slowly if I need it or explain words I don't know, but when they talk to each other I have the chance to test my listening skills and see if I can follow their conversation (if I am not too tired, I can generally catch the gist of what they are talking about, but when their voices begin to overlap I can't make sense of it anymore). On Tuesday, Patricia (the daughter) had one of her friends over for dinner, and so there were even more voices to keep track of. Most of the previous conversations had been pretty basic (how are you, do you want more food, stories about family and places in Spain) but that night the talk spun in a completely different direction, and suddenly we were talking about language, religion, and the Spanish Civil War. ("We" meaning that I mostly listened to their opinions and asked questions if I could formulate them quickly enough and find a gap in the conversation to insert my voice-- there were not many gaps!) And there it was, the same things that are talked about in class or with family and friends, the same (and yet not the same) in a different country. There were funny moments of Patricia and her friend teaching me slang specific to Toledo and laughing when I tried to use it (I imagine it was something like teaching a Spanish exchange student in America to use words like "bro" and "homie"). There were serious moments when they shared their religious views about the Church and God, and terribly sad and shocking moments when the mother described the attrocities of the Spanish Civil War.
As of now, I know very little about the Spanish Civil War, but thanks to the confusion with my horario (my class schedule) I am now taking a class Spanish history during and proceding the war-- a class I thought sounded interesting, but could not fit before! Overall, my classes have been fine so far. It is a bit strange here because many of the classes are 2 in one day (for example, yesterday I had theology in the morning and again in the evening) and they seem to be a bit slower than usual, though it could simply be that the first week begins a little more slowly. I am glad to have a bit more structure in my day. Roaming around Toledo is more enjoyable when it is squeezed between classes and lunch, when I know that it can only last for a period of time before I have to return to a different place.
And the streets in Toledo! They are narrow and cobblestoned, and pedestrians have to press themselves to the buildings or stand in a doorway when cars drive by. There are little shops and cafes lining the streets, and it reminded me right away of Ireland. A lot of things here remind me of Ireland (the showerheads that remove from the wall, the kind of cold so different from Minnesota cold, people's thoughts on the Church) and at first I was more "homesick" for Ireland than for Minnesota-- homesick for a place I don't even live or visit often!
As for classes, I am taking all of them at the Fundación, and I could not take the internship class. But after adjusting to this idea, I have decided that it is actually much better. My favorite class so far is the history class that I otherwise would not be taking. I can volunteer at a school or other organization without the hour requirements of an internship. And I will get to travel with Molly and Ellie at the end of the semester if I want to and still spend more time in Ireland. I am looking into volunteering opportunities there for May-- who knows!
So despite my past complaining, everything is really quite good here-- more than I can say in a short little description. A lot of people are travelling already this weekend, but I have decided to stay. So there will be much time to explore, to read, to write, to think, to enjoy Toledo and simply be here.
First, my host family is wonderful. I am living with a mother and her 21-year-old daughter, and I really can't imagine anything better. When I am talking to just one of them, they take time to talk slowly if I need it or explain words I don't know, but when they talk to each other I have the chance to test my listening skills and see if I can follow their conversation (if I am not too tired, I can generally catch the gist of what they are talking about, but when their voices begin to overlap I can't make sense of it anymore). On Tuesday, Patricia (the daughter) had one of her friends over for dinner, and so there were even more voices to keep track of. Most of the previous conversations had been pretty basic (how are you, do you want more food, stories about family and places in Spain) but that night the talk spun in a completely different direction, and suddenly we were talking about language, religion, and the Spanish Civil War. ("We" meaning that I mostly listened to their opinions and asked questions if I could formulate them quickly enough and find a gap in the conversation to insert my voice-- there were not many gaps!) And there it was, the same things that are talked about in class or with family and friends, the same (and yet not the same) in a different country. There were funny moments of Patricia and her friend teaching me slang specific to Toledo and laughing when I tried to use it (I imagine it was something like teaching a Spanish exchange student in America to use words like "bro" and "homie"). There were serious moments when they shared their religious views about the Church and God, and terribly sad and shocking moments when the mother described the attrocities of the Spanish Civil War.
As of now, I know very little about the Spanish Civil War, but thanks to the confusion with my horario (my class schedule) I am now taking a class Spanish history during and proceding the war-- a class I thought sounded interesting, but could not fit before! Overall, my classes have been fine so far. It is a bit strange here because many of the classes are 2 in one day (for example, yesterday I had theology in the morning and again in the evening) and they seem to be a bit slower than usual, though it could simply be that the first week begins a little more slowly. I am glad to have a bit more structure in my day. Roaming around Toledo is more enjoyable when it is squeezed between classes and lunch, when I know that it can only last for a period of time before I have to return to a different place.
And the streets in Toledo! They are narrow and cobblestoned, and pedestrians have to press themselves to the buildings or stand in a doorway when cars drive by. There are little shops and cafes lining the streets, and it reminded me right away of Ireland. A lot of things here remind me of Ireland (the showerheads that remove from the wall, the kind of cold so different from Minnesota cold, people's thoughts on the Church) and at first I was more "homesick" for Ireland than for Minnesota-- homesick for a place I don't even live or visit often!
As for classes, I am taking all of them at the Fundación, and I could not take the internship class. But after adjusting to this idea, I have decided that it is actually much better. My favorite class so far is the history class that I otherwise would not be taking. I can volunteer at a school or other organization without the hour requirements of an internship. And I will get to travel with Molly and Ellie at the end of the semester if I want to and still spend more time in Ireland. I am looking into volunteering opportunities there for May-- who knows!
So despite my past complaining, everything is really quite good here-- more than I can say in a short little description. A lot of people are travelling already this weekend, but I have decided to stay. So there will be much time to explore, to read, to write, to think, to enjoy Toledo and simply be here.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Frustraciones
Oh, I hate to complain and make you think that everything is not wonderful here (for the most part it is! I have so many good things to say that I can't contain them all!) but it is the bad that is on my mind right now and I hope by writing it down I will get rid of it.
I like to plan my life, to map out a specific, set direction and follow it. I do this with majors, with class schedules, with potential careers. And of course, I did the same thing with study abroad. When I was applying over a year ago, I decided what classes I wanted to take and where I wanted to take them: 3 classes and an internship at the Fundacion (the university for students studying abroad in Toledo) and 1 class at Universidad Castilla de la Mancha (another university in Toledo that is primarily local students). But after dozens of e-mails, lots of meetings, and a good amount of staring at my schedule, I need to choose between the internship (at a local school) or the class at UCLM.
Here are the problems:
The classes that I wanted to take at UCLM are on inconvenient days. And I am scared to death to take a class in an actual Spanish university now that I am here. I want to learn, but I am afraid of a lecture-based class where I understand nothing. Everyone at the Fund speaks solely in Spanish, but they are patient with all of us and speak more slowly (it still sounds fast, but it is intelligible). At the orientation today, a man spoke "normally" and it was almost impossible to understand. I might be able to overcome this, however, if the other options for classes at UCLM were literature courses, but since they are history and culture, I don't know if they count for my Spanish major (and I need them to count, or I will be one class short of the Spanish requirements).
My travel plans, however, are centered around this course at UCLM, because it goes until June, while the Fund ends in April. I planned to finish at UCLM early June, visit Ireland for 2 weeks, and return home June 22. So dropping the class means complicated decisions about switching flights or having a month of limbo.
Still, I am leaning towards the internship, because I think I would prefer being in a classroom with kids, possibly practicing teaching along with Spanish. However, this comes with its own set of problems. Even without UCLM it is difficult to find the correct space in the schedule because most of my classes interrupt the times that the schools are open. And 3 months in Spain seems so short-- I don't want to come back with a brief "cultural experience" and no improvement with my Spanish.
After letting this roll through my head for the entire evening, I came back to the apartment on the late bus and called my family to talk about it. I must have sounded a little stressed (or maybe more than a little) because instead of sorting out details or trying to formulate a plan with me, my dad simply offered advice in how to make the choice and assured me that it would work out either way. I basically decided to see if I could sort out the times for the internship and drop the class at UCLM, but I was still frustrated. My entire summer had been planned based on my return home in June! There were internships and programs I had not applied to because I didn't have the time! There were plans made for flights and travel! But my dad said that was not important, that I could not focus on what I might have done or even what I might do. He said, "Try to separate out the things that you can control, and make the best decision that you can make." I could only make the best decision for now, and the rest would have to follow from that.
It reminded me of the Serenity Prayer, which one of my Spanish teachers at DeLaSalle made us recite every day. I've forgotten the Spanish (and probably everything else I've learned in that class, except how to properly number questions on the left side of the margin-- this was very important), but the prayer itself has the same ideas that my dad was trying to get me to accept:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
And so, even if I do not come away with a vast improvement in my Spanish, or a life-changing cultural immersion, I have at least already learned what I thought I already knew: that no matter how much I plan my life, there are always things that disrupt that plan, and I need to learn to accept that. And I do not know the future, so how can I tell if it won't be better? Perhaps the course of my life is more like the winding streets of Toledo than the straightly planned paths I like to construct for myself. And I will tell you later, about how wonderful these streets are (the real ones, not the mixed up ones of my head!). No more complaining, I promise! Just appreciation and curiosity about the place I am in and the unexpected directions it may take me.
I like to plan my life, to map out a specific, set direction and follow it. I do this with majors, with class schedules, with potential careers. And of course, I did the same thing with study abroad. When I was applying over a year ago, I decided what classes I wanted to take and where I wanted to take them: 3 classes and an internship at the Fundacion (the university for students studying abroad in Toledo) and 1 class at Universidad Castilla de la Mancha (another university in Toledo that is primarily local students). But after dozens of e-mails, lots of meetings, and a good amount of staring at my schedule, I need to choose between the internship (at a local school) or the class at UCLM.
Here are the problems:
The classes that I wanted to take at UCLM are on inconvenient days. And I am scared to death to take a class in an actual Spanish university now that I am here. I want to learn, but I am afraid of a lecture-based class where I understand nothing. Everyone at the Fund speaks solely in Spanish, but they are patient with all of us and speak more slowly (it still sounds fast, but it is intelligible). At the orientation today, a man spoke "normally" and it was almost impossible to understand. I might be able to overcome this, however, if the other options for classes at UCLM were literature courses, but since they are history and culture, I don't know if they count for my Spanish major (and I need them to count, or I will be one class short of the Spanish requirements).
My travel plans, however, are centered around this course at UCLM, because it goes until June, while the Fund ends in April. I planned to finish at UCLM early June, visit Ireland for 2 weeks, and return home June 22. So dropping the class means complicated decisions about switching flights or having a month of limbo.
Still, I am leaning towards the internship, because I think I would prefer being in a classroom with kids, possibly practicing teaching along with Spanish. However, this comes with its own set of problems. Even without UCLM it is difficult to find the correct space in the schedule because most of my classes interrupt the times that the schools are open. And 3 months in Spain seems so short-- I don't want to come back with a brief "cultural experience" and no improvement with my Spanish.
After letting this roll through my head for the entire evening, I came back to the apartment on the late bus and called my family to talk about it. I must have sounded a little stressed (or maybe more than a little) because instead of sorting out details or trying to formulate a plan with me, my dad simply offered advice in how to make the choice and assured me that it would work out either way. I basically decided to see if I could sort out the times for the internship and drop the class at UCLM, but I was still frustrated. My entire summer had been planned based on my return home in June! There were internships and programs I had not applied to because I didn't have the time! There were plans made for flights and travel! But my dad said that was not important, that I could not focus on what I might have done or even what I might do. He said, "Try to separate out the things that you can control, and make the best decision that you can make." I could only make the best decision for now, and the rest would have to follow from that.
It reminded me of the Serenity Prayer, which one of my Spanish teachers at DeLaSalle made us recite every day. I've forgotten the Spanish (and probably everything else I've learned in that class, except how to properly number questions on the left side of the margin-- this was very important), but the prayer itself has the same ideas that my dad was trying to get me to accept:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
And so, even if I do not come away with a vast improvement in my Spanish, or a life-changing cultural immersion, I have at least already learned what I thought I already knew: that no matter how much I plan my life, there are always things that disrupt that plan, and I need to learn to accept that. And I do not know the future, so how can I tell if it won't be better? Perhaps the course of my life is more like the winding streets of Toledo than the straightly planned paths I like to construct for myself. And I will tell you later, about how wonderful these streets are (the real ones, not the mixed up ones of my head!). No more complaining, I promise! Just appreciation and curiosity about the place I am in and the unexpected directions it may take me.
El comienzo
As usual, I planned to begin writing much earlier, before I left for Spain, but instead I wrote a few drafts and never finished or posted them. And now the thoughts are a bit outdated! Oh well. This is my fourth day in Toledo, and I am already overwhelmed with what to say and how to say it, but here is a little piece about traveling and the first few days:
After a long day of travelling on Thursday from Minneapolis to Chicago to Madrid to Toledo, I arrived with about half of the other Notre Dame students at the Fundación Ortega y Gasset, a university for students studying abroad in Toledo. After a short tour (the Fund is not very big-- it could probably fit inside my tiny elementary school) and an orientation, we waited in the lobby for our host families. Half of the families were scheduled to come at noon, and the other half to come later in the day. I was told that my family would arrive at noon, but after waiting for an hour, there were still two of us without families, so we returned to the cafeteria with the rest of the students. At around 3, the second wave of families began arriving, but as the group of students remaining grew smaller and smaller, I began to worry that I had no family! There had been a mix-up! I had been forgotten! At this point, we were all very tired. I fell asleep in the computer lab, and then tried to stay awake in the small waiting room. Finally, one of the staff members at the Fund told two of us that our families had been confused about the date-- they thought we were arriving on Sunday, not Friday-- but both of them were on their way now. At about 5:00 my host mother arrived. She greeted me with a kiss on each cheek, and called me a "probrecita rubia" (poor little blonde girl), and apologized over and over for being late.
We took a taxi to her apartment, and after she showed me around, I put my suitcases in the third bedroom, and fell asleep. I woke up in time for dinner (in Spain, the "cena" is very late, so we ate around 9:00). I needed to be at the Fund for a language test in the morning, so my host mother showed me how to take the bus to Zocodover Plaza in the Casgo (the old part of Toledo). From there, it is a very short walk to the Fund, if you know where you are going. (This morning, I wandered around for a very long time, because a lot of the streets are beginning to look familiar, and it is hard to remember which is the correct familiar-looking street). We walked back to the apartment, which I will not be able to do alone at night, but will be nice for walks in the afternoon.
Saturday, after the test and a meeting about classes, we spent a lot of time wandering around Toledo, taking pictures and looking into little shops. I went back to the apartment for lunch, which is also very late here (around 2:00). We made a pact to speak only in Spanish, but of course this was broken several times since we are so used to speaking English to one another! It was easier yesterday, when we walked around with some of the students from the University of Minnesota because there were more basic things that we could talk about (Where are you from? What's your name? Much easier vocabulary!) And of course it helps to just listen too.
Right now, the language is the most overwhelming part of being here. I am used to writing and reading Spanish, where I have time to stop and look up words and think, but speaking and listening is much more difficult. It is difficult remembering words that I do know, and there are so many words that I don't know! It is already becoming a little easier, but still, when I was going to sleep last night, I kept thinking about studying abroad in an English-speaking country and how much easier it would all be-- all of the fun with none of the obligation to speak Spanish all the time, none of the stumbling over words with friends trying to say the simplest things! It is confusing too, to go from speaking Spanish to reading a book in English or even writing in English. My head is filled up with Spanglish, which I suppose is good, but it makes thinking exhausting!
But classes start tomorrow, so not thinking is probably a bad idea. So I will continue thinking my jumbled little thoughts, wandering Toledo, and fumbling with the Spanish language.
After a long day of travelling on Thursday from Minneapolis to Chicago to Madrid to Toledo, I arrived with about half of the other Notre Dame students at the Fundación Ortega y Gasset, a university for students studying abroad in Toledo. After a short tour (the Fund is not very big-- it could probably fit inside my tiny elementary school) and an orientation, we waited in the lobby for our host families. Half of the families were scheduled to come at noon, and the other half to come later in the day. I was told that my family would arrive at noon, but after waiting for an hour, there were still two of us without families, so we returned to the cafeteria with the rest of the students. At around 3, the second wave of families began arriving, but as the group of students remaining grew smaller and smaller, I began to worry that I had no family! There had been a mix-up! I had been forgotten! At this point, we were all very tired. I fell asleep in the computer lab, and then tried to stay awake in the small waiting room. Finally, one of the staff members at the Fund told two of us that our families had been confused about the date-- they thought we were arriving on Sunday, not Friday-- but both of them were on their way now. At about 5:00 my host mother arrived. She greeted me with a kiss on each cheek, and called me a "probrecita rubia" (poor little blonde girl), and apologized over and over for being late.
We took a taxi to her apartment, and after she showed me around, I put my suitcases in the third bedroom, and fell asleep. I woke up in time for dinner (in Spain, the "cena" is very late, so we ate around 9:00). I needed to be at the Fund for a language test in the morning, so my host mother showed me how to take the bus to Zocodover Plaza in the Casgo (the old part of Toledo). From there, it is a very short walk to the Fund, if you know where you are going. (This morning, I wandered around for a very long time, because a lot of the streets are beginning to look familiar, and it is hard to remember which is the correct familiar-looking street). We walked back to the apartment, which I will not be able to do alone at night, but will be nice for walks in the afternoon.
Saturday, after the test and a meeting about classes, we spent a lot of time wandering around Toledo, taking pictures and looking into little shops. I went back to the apartment for lunch, which is also very late here (around 2:00). We made a pact to speak only in Spanish, but of course this was broken several times since we are so used to speaking English to one another! It was easier yesterday, when we walked around with some of the students from the University of Minnesota because there were more basic things that we could talk about (Where are you from? What's your name? Much easier vocabulary!) And of course it helps to just listen too.
Right now, the language is the most overwhelming part of being here. I am used to writing and reading Spanish, where I have time to stop and look up words and think, but speaking and listening is much more difficult. It is difficult remembering words that I do know, and there are so many words that I don't know! It is already becoming a little easier, but still, when I was going to sleep last night, I kept thinking about studying abroad in an English-speaking country and how much easier it would all be-- all of the fun with none of the obligation to speak Spanish all the time, none of the stumbling over words with friends trying to say the simplest things! It is confusing too, to go from speaking Spanish to reading a book in English or even writing in English. My head is filled up with Spanglish, which I suppose is good, but it makes thinking exhausting!
But classes start tomorrow, so not thinking is probably a bad idea. So I will continue thinking my jumbled little thoughts, wandering Toledo, and fumbling with the Spanish language.
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